Quatre-vingt quinze pour cent
La femme qui possède tout en elle
The woman who’s got all it takes
Pour donner le goût des fêtes charnelles,
To offer the spice of carnal joys,
La femme qui suscite en nous tant de passions brutales,
The woman who excites in us so many passions brute,
La femme est avant tout sentimentale.
The woman is above all sentimental.
Main dans la main les longues promenades,
Hand in hand the lengthy strolls together.
Les fleurs, les billets doux, les sérénades,
The flowers, the billets doux, the serenades,
Les crimes, les folies que pour ses beaux yeux l'on commet,
The crimes, the follies one commits just for her beauty,
La transportent, mais...
They delight her but…..
Quatre-vingt-quinze fois sur cent,
Ninety five times out of hundred
La femme s'emmerde en baisant(1).
The woman turns off while coupling.
Qu'elle le taise ou le confesse
Whether she tells or keeps quiet
C'est pas tous les jours qu'on lui déride les fesses(2).
It’s not every day her parts are set a-tingle.
Les pauvres bougres convaincus
The poor blokes who are convinced
Du contraire sont des cocus.
Of the opposite are just fooled.
À l'heure de l'oeuvre de chair(3)
At her time for work of the flesh
Elle est souvent triste, peuchère!
She is often sad, poor woman.
S'il n'entend le coeur qui bat,
If he can’t hear her heart beating,
Le corps non plus ne bronche pas.
Her body’s not budging either.
Sauf quand elle aime un homme avec tendresse,
Except when she loves with true affection
Toujours sensible alors à ses caresses,
Always sensitive to his loving touch
Toujours bien disposée, toujours encline à s'émouvoir,
Always inclined and well-disposed to open up her heart,
Elle s'emmerd' sans s'en apercevoir.
She turns right off, while not the least aware.
Ou quand elle a des besoins tyranniques,
Or else when she has needs so overwhelming,
Qu'elle souffre de nymphomanie chronique,
That she suffers chronic sexual desire
C'est ell' qui fait alors passer à ses adorateurs
It is she then who deals out to the men who worship her
De fichus quarts d'heure(4).
These wretched moments.
Quatre-vingt-quinze fois sur cent,
Ninety five times out of hundred
La femme s'emmerde en baisant.
The woman turns off while coupling.
Qu'elle le taise ou le confesse
Whether she tells or keeps quiet
C'est pas tous les jours qu'on lui déride les fesses.
It’s not every day her parts are set a-tingle.
Les pauvres bougres convaincus
The poor blokes who are convinced
Du contraire sont des cocus.
Of the opposite are just fooled.
À l'heure de l'oeuvre de chair
At her time for work of the flesh
Elle est souvent triste, peuchère !
She is often sad, poor woman.
S'il n'entend le coeur qui bat,
If he can’t hear her heart beating,
Le corps non plus ne bronche pas.
Her body’s not budging either.
Les "encore", les "c'est bon", les "continue"
The “Agains” », the “That’ s nice”, the “Keep going”s
Qu'ell' crie pour simuler qu'ell' monte aux nues,
She shrieks to pretend she’s up in the clouds
C'est pure charité, les soupirs des anges ne sont
That’s pure charity, the angelic sighs
En général que de pieux mensonges.
Are, in general, merely pious lies
C'est à seule fin que son partenaire
Whose sole aim is that her partner
Se croie un amant extraordinaire,
Believes he’s an extraordinary lover.
Que le coq imbécile et prétentieux perché dessus
That the imbecilic, pretentious cock perched on top
Ne soit pas déçu.
Should not feel let down.
Quatre-vingt-quinze fois sur cent,
Ninety five times out of hundred
La femme s'emmerde en baisant.
The woman turns off while coupling.
Qu'elle le taise ou le confesse
Whether she tells or keeps quiet
C'est pas tous les jours qu'on lui déride les fesses.
It’s not every day her parts are set a-tingle.
Les pauvres bougres convaincus
The poor blokes who are convinced
Du contraire sont des cocus.
Of the opposite are just fooled.
À l'heure de l'oeuvre de chair
At her time for work of the flesh
Elle est souvent triste, peuchère !
She is often sad, poor woman.
S'il n'entend le cœur qui bat,
If he can’t hear her heart beating,
Le corps non plus ne bronche pas.
Her body’s not budging either.
J'entends aller bon train les commentaires
I can hear comments that come flooding in
De ceux qui font des châteaux à Cythère(5) :
From those who build their castles in Cythère
"C'est parce que tu n'es qu'un malhabile, un maladroit,
It is only because you do it wrong with no technique
Qu'elle conserve toujours son sang-froid. »
That she can always keep her self-control »
Peut-être, mais si les assauts vous pèsent
Perhaps, but if the assaults come on hard
De ces petits m'as-tu-vu-quand-je-baise(6),
From little « Have you seen me when I shag?s”,
Mesdames, en vous laissant manger le plaisir sur le dos(7),
Ladies, letting yourselves eat up the pleasure, while supine
Chantez in petto...
Sing under your breath……
Quatre-vingt-quinze fois sur cent,
Ninety five times out of hundred
La femme s'emmerde en baisant.
The woman turns off while coupling.
Qu'elle le taise ou le confesse
Whether she tells or keeps it quiet
C'est pas tous les jours qu'on lui déride les fesses.
It’s not every day her parts are set a-tingle.
Les pauvres bougres convaincus
The poor blokes who are convinced
Du contraire sont des cocus.
Of the opposite are just fooled.
À l'heure de l'oeuvre de chair
When she does the work of the flesh
Elle est souvent triste, peuchère !
She is often sad, poor woman.
S'il n'entend le coeur qui bat,
If he can’t hear her heart beating,
Le corps non plus ne bronche pas.
Her body’s not budging either.
Georges Brassens 1972 -
Fernande
TRANSLATION NOTES
(1) en baisant - I get criticised for avoiding the direct , everyday English translation of the verb baiser q’n, but I think it would shock an audience
(2) qu'on lui déride les fesses – The play of words is from the expression ; »dérider le front à quelqu’un. Taking the furrows from the brow means restoring a state of happiness, and by the change from brow to bum, we understand that it is sexual pleasure.
(3) l'oeuvre de chair - One of the standard circumlocutions of the Vatican for “to have sex” was “faire oeuvre de chair”.
(4) De fichus quarts d'heure. - Quart d’heure is used in French to express a short strained period of time, e.g.( from Robert): Il lui a fait passer un mauvais quart d’heure”. = “He gave her a bad time”. In this second verse the poet seems to have had the realisation or recollection that the imbalance of passion could be the other way round. It is perhaps another manifestation of the principle which is stated (at its extreme surely!) in the famous epigram: “There are two parties to a love-transaction: the one who loves and the other who condescends to be loved.”
(5) Des châteaux à Cythère – To get lost in a dream world is to build castles in the air. A reference to Cythère is sneaked in, because in Ancient Greece, the island of Cythera was seen as the birthplace of Venus. From this it came to represent a meeting place for sexual dissipation See Brassens’ song: “Les Amours d’Autan”
(6) ces petits m'as-tu-vu-quand-je-baise. This is Brassens’ own composite word for the macho men, who go around boasting about their expertise in making love. Previously, in translating “baiser” in the refrain, I had declined to use the direct translation. Here to translate “baise” the last element in his neologism, I think a more uncouth word from their everyday vocabulary is appropriate.
(7) le plaisir sur le dos - Brassens is recommending women to use the relatively passive missionary position. In the first verse he had been impatient at the lack of responsiveness of his female partners. However by the last verse he had changed round completely and was advising them to take silent revenge on macho men, by lying inert and thinking mischievously of the 95 per cent of their fellow women doing the same.
This is a recording of Georges Brassens singing this song
The very pretty French film star Emmanuelle Bejart also had thoughts on this topic:
Click here to return to the full index of Brassens songs with translation
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